Heirloom.

Okay vintage lovers!  I've been blessed to be handed down an heirloom from my aunt, my grandmother (and maybe her mother?).  I've been doubly blessed to realize that it fits my big, fat, prego fingers, so I no longer have to look illegitimate! (This is rather important to me.)  So here's my query: What era does this ring date back to? And, can you tell me anything about it?

Belts & Shoes.

I thought that perhaps a follow-up on my fashion-friendly post would be fun, considering that I'm actually keeping up with a goal for once!  I have been taking time with myself each day, and not leaving the house until I feel absolutely beautiful!  One thing that has been forcing me to dress up a little bit more, is that my husband splurged for me to have a new pair of shoes!  A new pair of shoes always makes a girl think a little bit more about her getup, I think.  It sure does for me, especially when the new pair of shoes are these!!! Fluorescent pink Chuck Taylors!!! With a little chipped nail polish to match.

And there's nothing better to dress up a baby bump than a cute belt! I'm normally a cotton-only kinda gal, but I'm beginning to think there's something worth while in all these odd "hang to dry" fabrics.

I also replaced my floppy-cotton capris with form fitting black leggings (which I found at Ross for $4.99).  It's amazing how much difference a couple inches of fabric makes on my self-esteem!

Identity.

Who are we on the inside? Who are we on the outside? Where do we come from, and how does that define us? How could our perceptions of race change, when our inner identity is shifted by new knowledge? These are the questions I asked myself when my family history revealed that I was not genetically made by the culture I had always identified myself with. I was suddenly physically comparing myself to a whole different ethnic group of women. I found myself wondering if I wanted to continue to cling to the culture I knew, or if I wanted to learn more about where my family originally came from.

This portfolio is my expression of the inner search that I experienced at this time in my life. Who we are is who we are, but perceptions and ideas are painted onto us, sometimes by others, and sometimes by ourselves. Sometimes this causes individuals to feel separate from others, and sometimes it allows us to embrace each other. Race and culture cause a beautiful intermingling of people, beliefs and ways of life. Who are you?

Inspiration.

So I just threw out a post to all my peeps at Pima, begging someone to take cute pictures of myself with a belly!  I've noticed recently that my friends afar off don't recognize me, so I need a few nice pictures, just to keep up my public image!

I got an email from a sweet girl who said, very humbly, "I'd really love some experience, you can look at my work if you want!"

So I took her up on that and found this image that just struck my eye like a hammer!  LOVE!

Image by Gabrielle Oase.

Absolutely beautiful.

Fashion.

Last fall I was blessed to take a digital photography class at Pima, and I learned all kinds of great things and it was incredible and wonderful, and I got lots of kudos left and right, yay.  The best part, however, is that I met two incredibly fabulous friends, who I now enjoy and cherish!

One friend in particular, has helped me in more ways than she probably realizes!  Let me tell you about the fabulous Sydney, fashion stylist and blogger!  This woman is incredible.  Firstly, she takes such great care of her skin, it made it almost impossible for me to guess her age!  One day when she mentioned her 10 year old son, I had a little mental breakdown.  Secondly, she puts time into herself.  Even on the days when she throws on jeans and tennies, she spends enough time, that she looks radiant!

Let me tell you why this is such a huge thing for me.  I was raised by a practical woman.  Practicality is everything.  If its not practical and fully functional, it doesn't belong in your life.  This idea has been like doctrine for me.  Then there's the fact that I've always been a bit of a tom boy.  I prefer tennies.  I prefer tee shirts.  I prefer pony tails.  Amen.  Fashion has just never been my thing.  Now there's the fact that I've been getting more and more into photography.  I remember the first time I sat down and watched America's Next Top Model with my room mates, they sat around saying, "I want to be her! She's so beautiful and her neck is perfect!" And I sat there saying, "I want to be that photographer! His job looks so fun, and look at that lighting equipment!"  And that has pretty much been my outlook on fashion.  I love to photograph it, I buy copies of Vogue at Bookmans just to study the lighting patterns, always thinking fashion isn't for me.

Now I have a watermelon for a waistline.  I'm not sure if I can properly express how this changes ones perspective.

When I first got pregnant, I couldn't care less how I looked.  When I first started to show, I felt radiant, even in sweats.  Now I feel like a barge, and I cannot tell you how my self esteem has begun to plummet. For some reason, maternity clothing is half past impossible to find in Tucson.  I'm not sure what the problem is here.  There's one maternity store that I know of, and I cannot tell you how out of our budget it is.  So I opted for some men's Tees that I found for $1 a piece at the Deseret Industries.  And my self esteem continued to plummet.  Oh, then I ran out of pants.  And my self esteem continued to plummet.  Then my mother tried to remedy the situation with a pair of 3x stretch waist pants.  And my self esteem was pretty much fully plummeted.

Then, about two weeks ago, I started flipping through Sydney's blog.  She dresses darn cute, and then photographs herself, and then shows to world how adorable she is on any given day.  I remember her telling me, "I used to go all out, and do my hair and everything! Now I just don't have the time for that."  She said she doesn't have time for that?  She's a working mother, and she somehow still finds the time to look fabulous.  And what do I do all day?

So I searched through my closet one day, and tried to look at my clothing with a different perspective.  I found a long skirt, that my mother bought me, that had been much too gaudy for me to ever wear, and I didn't have a shirt to go with it, so I never had yet worn it.  I found a matching tee that no longer covers my belly, and then raised the skirt up to my chest, and tied a belt around my empire waistline.  I felt cute.  I felt so darn cute.  It was the first time I felt cute in a long time.  That day I met my mother for some reason, and she just about flipped.  She was so happy, first, to see that I was wearing something she gave me, and secondly, that I turned it cute.

Two days later she called me, "Come over, I did some shopping."

I didn't look at price tags, so I have no idea what kind of damage she did, but it was all from Ross (love)!  To say the least, she actually found some successful pieces, and I actually have a cute wardrobe that fits me now!  She even found me some sleeved maxi dresses (which have been near impossible to find!) which I can wear like a mumu at home, or dress up with a cute belt to go out!

With new clothing hanging in my closet, new found inspiration from Sydney, and one trimester to go, I decided to make a promise to myself to look fabulous.  I realized with a little bit of time and effort, even if I'm not going anywhere for the day, I need to make myself look how I want to feel.  When my waistline was small, I could totally work the look of a messy tom boy, who just rode here on her bicycle, but when I feel like a barge,  I don't necessarily have to dress like one.

So on Friday we began our early morning walk regimen (waking up at 5:30am before Michael leaves for work) and with an early start to the day, I took advantage!  I curled my hair (haven't used that iron for about 6 months) and reunited with my Bare Minerals.  And I did the same each day, and seriously, I had the best weekend I've had in a long time!

So here's my new opinion on fashion: You've got to dress how you want to feel.  I want to feel like a strong, beautiful woman, and so I will dress like a strong, beautiful woman.  I don't imagine anyone will be catching me in my pumps any time soon, but with a few cute belts, and some sparkly eye shadow, I've gone from being a whale, to a woman.

Thank you Sydney, for inspiring me!

Night light.

Here's a project I've been wanting to do for a long time, and finally got around to it today!!!  I've been tugging this little aquarium around with me since college (which I bought at Walmart for maybe $20).  I refuse to get rid of it, and since it's going to take up space no matter where I put it, I thought I could use it in the nursery decor!  

Here's a close up of the project.  I couldn't live without this blossom!

I fell in love with the Tiddliwinks "In The Pond" bed set from Target, and thought a pond themed night light would be essential for my little one!

I've always been really big on keeping plants indoors.  I'm not sure why, it must be something about keeping my own oxygen supply.  Think about it!  A little bit of love and care, and you've got a little friend who gives you beautiful, clean oxygen!  In your house!  I love it.  So I headed over to the Petsmart aquarium and picked out two lives plants, and two super bright artificial plants, just for fun!

Here's a look from one side of the hexagonal aquarium.  I of course had to choose pink plants to go with the pink accents on the wall... and I'm having a girl!  For the natural bits, I chose a leafy green, which you see in the background. I chose this just to fill the space up a bit, and add that flowy plant feeling, that is necessary in any underwater setting!  I didn't pay attention to the species, just the price tag.  This little guy was around $3.50.

Here you can see the two most beautiful of the four choices.  They're also bigger, so I placed them in the back!  When I saw this blossom I had to have it.  I considered buying three, and placing them at different heights around the aquarium, but sticking to the budget is a much better feeling!  The artificial plant with the blossom came with a ton of rather large leaves, and I definitely wanted the natural plants to fill the space more, so I removed several of the leaves.  I also had to shorten the stem of the blossom to put it at the ideal viewing hight.  The voluminous plant on the right was so beautiful, even my husband got a little excited about the texture of it.  It was so large that I had to trim off about four inches just to get it to float through the water properly!  So I took those trimmings, bundled them together and planted them in the opposite corner.  I got two plants out of that one, and pretty much felt like a winner.

 Overall, I spent about $10 on plants at Petsmart, and $3 on the beautiful, polished river stones (purchased from Michaels).  The arranging was a little difficult, but as soon as the roots grow into the gridded mat on the bottom, they should be quiet permanent!

I just grew rather fond of this image.  

I took a teensy step back to show the aquarium in it's entirety.  I turned on the light, and set the bubbler.  The motor makes a soft hum that might prove to be comforting to the little one, or might not.  Anyway, I've been searching for a unique nightlight for Juliet (and myself) to enjoy, but couldn't find anything interesting within our budget, so for less than $20, I made my own!

Crib!

To help me cope with my fear of the third trimester, and how darn long it feels until Juliet will arrive, my husband decided to take me on a surprise date to Target to buy our crib.  His hopes that it would make the next three months not seem so long were completely legit.  My feelings have gone from terror to excitement once again! 

My goober husband unpacking the goods!

The professional assembler at work!

My handsome man!  (Should I share that I was actually helping, and shooting pictures with my other hand? No viewfinder necessary!)

Caged up.

Brooklyn was so upset that Michael was in a cage, she spent most of the time trying to wiggle underneath the edge of the crib.  Eventually the side-dive proved fruitful and she made her way to the other end of the room.

Michael testing the crib, with a nice, big baby-wail.  Brooklyn supervising.

Eventually, the crib was built!  Then Michael realized that it's a good thing this is already the decided nursery, because that crib isn't going anywhere!

THEN Michael realized that it probably would have been a good idea to listen to his wife, when she said, "Why don't we clean up the room before we start?"

Somehow the mess made it out of there, and the crib made it in!  

After rearranging the room three times, Mom - "the Boss" -  Me - I decided where everything belonged.  Now we're one step closer to being ready for baby Juliet's arrival, somewhere near August 5th!  And I am must less terrified about the next three months.  Feeling more prepared, and more unable to start buying stuff!

Trial.

So I need to have a moment of complete honesty.  Here goes: Pregnancy is the hardest thing that I have ever done.  I have rafted through the #1 most dangerous rapid in the Grand Canyon/Colorado River, I have jumped aussie off 120 foot cliffs, I have wandered the streets on New York by myself, I have snorkeled the surf in Hawaii, I have biked the streets in Tucson, for goodness' sake!  And here I am being slowly, physically, and emotionally broken apart by pregnancy.

Mentally, emotionally, physically, this is the biggest challenge I have ever put before myself (or within myself?).  I watch my body slip away every single day.  The body I've worked so hard to make strong and beautiful, is becoming pudgy and weak.  My muscles are so strained by the simplest things, like walking through the grocery store, that I then endure several days of the most painful and frustrating wrenching pains with the smallest of movements.

I was screened several weeks ago by my healthcare providers, and they told me I was at slight risk for depression.  At the time I thought they were crazy!  I was still within my second trimester, full of energy, happy, painting walls and creating nursery wall art, buying this, pricing that.  I told them that saying I was at risk for depression was preposterous!  I actually laughed at the woman.

Monday was the start of my third trimester.  I have cried every day since.  Not because there has been much physical difference, but because I can look back at the last 6 months with pride, but when I look forward, there's still a whole three months between me and my child... and between me and my body.  After a breakdown that nearly terrified my husband, I realized that there must be an explanation.  As a person who thrives off of adrenaline, I've been sitting dormant for nearly 6 months!  As a person who loves to push myself physically, to sweat, to more than often go to far or fast and hurt myself, I've been hiding in a bubble, to afraid to hurt my child.

I have always been a person who believes very strongly that any problem or any ailment can be healed by the power of will.  Positive thinking, and physical action together can conquer any fear, any trial.  I try my best to live within that principal.  So when I was able to say out loud that, "I think I am depressed," I became empowered.  My husband and I made a plan together, to start getting up before he leaves for work at 6:30 am, and go for a walk together.  It doesn't have to be far, or fast, but it has to happen every day.

We started yesterday, and yesterday was the first day that I didn't cry.  My body is a beautiful machine, and it is up to me to keep it healthy, and it will keep me happy.  I am grateful to my husband for being so willing to sacrifice his time to support me in this, the biggest challenge, and trial, that I have ever taken on.  This pregnancy will be beautiful.