eleven.

I've always been fond of eleven.  It is truly a great number to spell out!  It's so much fun.  It has a v.

So I almost made it ten days in a row.  Then I almost made it eleven days in a row... Almost is the key word here.  Or... totally... not almost.

This Saturday was a very successful shoot with beautiful Hilary Barrett and Rachael Strawn.  I don't purposefully become friends with beautiful charismatic people.  I don't choose my friends with my photography career in the back of my mind.  I swear.  That is one thing that does not happen.  Promise.

So we had a fun twist on the totally sexy 50's housewife.  And not to make it an objectifying theme (as a feminist on the inside, I have opinions on these matters) we've truly made this shoot a homage to totally sexy newly-wed women (next week we'll have a shoot of men, run ragged from their new responsibility, possibly being fed brownies by their gorgeous wives).

ten.

another lighting assignment.

Yeah.

Lexicon.

Sometimes I just feel like I need to write.  It feels good just to type, and to see the volume of my vocabulary and understanding of basic sentence structure fill a page.  I find it interesting that even though I used to thrive on creative writing, the happier I become with my life, the harder it is to spend time in an imaginary one.  I wonder how many writers find themselves in a similar predicament?

As I've become sucked into the popular crime show Bones I enjoy the way that Dr. Brennan speaks through mouthfuls of vocabulary.  I know that there are so many words that exist in the English language, and somehow I have even attained a degree, without even having to know or understand a great majority of them.  I can read Shakespeare and at least have an understanding enough to laugh at about every fourth joke, but there really are so many great words that I am not taking advantage of.

When I was in middle school and high school I found that my wider vocabulary often set me apart from my peers.  Even in college, some of my favorite phrases drew uncomfortable looks from those around me.  Not to say that my favorite phrases were in any way inappropriate or uncouth, but simply unpopular.  I can't stand the way it has become unpopular to be smart, although I certainly understand the vexation caused by those who enjoy putting their wits on display.  It is a difficult line to walk, to use your knowledge, but not flaunt it.

Nine.

SO I promise I had a wonderfully full and eventful weekend, and that's why I totally ignored my new commitment to myself.  Sometimes it just feels good to ignore a commitment to yourself.  Especially when hormones are raging.  It especially feels good to ignore a commitment to yourself while hormones are raging, and there is no end in sight, and no victory to be won.  Until there's ice cream or nachos in sight, that's pretty much how it goes down.  To be fair, I ditched my yoga class in conjunction with ditching out on my blog.

BUT I did take my crazy, out of control Friday, and ran around with my camera.  Or rather, Eryn Chiu Neff ran around, and I photographed her.  Here's just one image, that comes from my inspirational idea of where I've been, and where I am now.  Granted, I don't run around in high heels, but boy do I love making my friends feel the pain for my own glory!

This idea originated from my assignment in film class (notice how I went digital instead) that is all about studying motion.  The fun part about this shoot with Eryn, is that I was able to take many of the photographs sequentially, leading Eryn to say, as she flipped through these fabulous images, "It's amazing what the human body can do."  I think that's just another testament to the genius ideas of Eadweard Muybridge, who photographed the first action photographs!  Check out this awesome study of human movement!

Eadweard Muybridge

This incredible wonder, the ability to stop motion took photographers to amazing places!  It lead me straight to this wonderfully girly and inspirational photograph by fashion photographer Richard Avedon. It's a little bit girly... but a little bit more "Wonder Woman Goes Shopping."  Gotta love that!

Richard Avedon

Photography; I like it.

Eight.

For my photos of the day I have to show off some of the super fun interior design I've been creating in my new house!  These first two images are of my "Super sweet, New York loft art," as Brittney Vega put it.  After three grueling (but wonderful) hours of shopping at Ikea, I found myself with two and a half yards of this incredible dandelion fabric, and not much of a clue of what I was going to do with it.  It just so happened that my mother in law had a frame she had made during her art studies at the U of A.  So I stole it.  I used a staple gun, and in about an hour I had this clean, beautiful, modern piece of art.  But what use is a piece of art if there's no matching accents around the room?  So I chopped up the left over yard of fabric into rectangles, sewed up the edges, and after two bags of stuffing, I had a super cute (and comfy) accent!

My other super fun project in in our bedroom (please ignore the junk on the tables, and the messy bed!).  I bought these various different picture frames at Dollar Tree.  I ripped out the back board and glass, and spray painted them red!  The right shade of red took a couple of tries to find, but thanks to the many choices at Lowe's I was able to find one that gave the perfect pop of color.  I love the way the picture frames all together look like an art installation, rather than separate pieces, and up close they are pretty interesting to look at!

 To decorate in an inexpensive way, when I have an inspiration, I make it a point to stop at Ross often.  It a very good place to find exactly what a room needs.  I found the wall clock for $13.99, and the white vase for $7.99.  I'm still looking for the perfectly red flower to put a pop of color in the vase.

As for the artsy fartsy photography bit, I thought these two photos were sloppily composed, but still fun! This room may have photographic potential very soon.

Seven.

Film is fun.  This photograph is part of my project, to show my past, and my current interests, or the girl who was, and the woman who is.  This photograph is my depiction of the girl who grew up, or in other words, the Toy Story perspective.

Six.

Day six!  Today I got to spend a wonderfully long time in the dark room, smelling all of those perfectly mixed chemicals for a time much longer than I really want to admit to myself.  So I take a deep breath (or two or three) and forget the smell of chemicals, and confess that I could have stayed in that darkroom all day.  Were it not for the bane of my existence, my appetite, I would have gone through my entire package of Ilford pearl paper without a hint of a break.  So here's what I did.

Love.

Five.

It's Monday, after a seriously action packed weekend (including getting lost on the 202 in Phoenix, AZ), so please don't judge me when I say that I made no photographs yesterday, but rather fully enjoyed every aspect of the words, "Day of Rest."  Luckily I have a small bank of photographs from the last two weeks. Since I've been taking three different photography classes all at once, I've been taking quite a few photographs, and I am proudly sitting atop a few gems.  This one one of them.

This is definitely one of the more abstract images that I've taken in a long time, because my love of portraiture has captured my creativity, and I have yet to escape that frame of mind (no pun intended, but I'm still pretty proud when I make a joke accidentally).  This image was taken during the very first day of Digital Photography I, and the area is my little secret, shared only by the girl in the window.  I absolutely love it, and I actually think, though abstract, it is still a portrait.

Four.

There might be a theme in my life.  Maybe the theme is telling me that I should be a zoologist, a biologist, or a veterinarian.  Or maybe I can stick with the idea that taking photographs of animals is pretty much my favorite hobby.  I like that a little bit.

 This weekend we celebrated my birthday by going to the coolest zoo in Arizona, Wildlife World!  We had a blast, and treated it like a photographic safari.  We enjoyed the animals, and enjoyed discussing apertures and shutter speeds the whole time.  It was the best birthday ever, including my two favorite things at once, super cool animals, and photography!

 So since I had such a great time, I have to share more than one image, of course.

Poison dart frogs!  These tiny amphibians are absolutely incredible.  So many incredible colors on an animal that's only about an inch long!  So amazing!

This fish was one of my absolute favorites!  Discos!  Doesn't that name seem absolutely appropriate for this colorful cutie?

According to my husband Zebras are just big, stupid horses, and as I photographed these beautiful beasts, he enjoyed startling them time after time, just like big, stupid horses.

I loved this trip to the zoo, because as William Beebe said, "Modern man's trip to the zoo... is his emergency return to nature."  It was so amazing to view, and contemplate all of these incredible animals, covered in colors, patterns and textures.  It was definitely obvious that the Lord enjoyed creating this beautiful Earth for us to enjoy!  How grateful I am for this planet, covered in so much beauty, and to capture that beauty in photographs.

Three.

Day three of my project makes two pictures of dogs out of three pictures.  You know that all photography instructors absolutely hate photographs of dogs, especially puppies, because there's absolutely no proof of your skills are a photographer within those cute little faces.  But that's okay.  Today I only need proof that my sister made the best decision of her life when she brought Molly home with her.

Molly really is happy to be here, but she doesn't like being teased with treats.  She was being so good, and he made her wait MUCH too long for her Cheerio.  I think she was telling me, "Please let me have it?"  Cute!

Two.

Here's day two of my 365 day project!  Indiana is my baby, and she is a crazy beast, as you can see.  I kind of like her.

I also like to brag about her beautiful teeth.  She loves her toothbrush.  Poultry flavor toothpaste!

One.

So today I'm doing the hip thing to do as a photographer!  I'm starting my 365 project!  I'll be taking a picture every single day, inspired or not, for a whole year, and I'll be posting them up here for the world to see!  It'll be so fun!  ... some of the time.

So here's photo number one: Also the start to my other project.  Images of my shoes, where they go, where they rest, and how dirty they get along the way.

Black Beans and Rice

MMHM! You guessed it! This sweet, creative blog has just been transformed into the typical recipe blog.  Don't read it if you don't want to.  I'm doing it for my own brain.  I've got to remember the stuff I've invented in my natural realm, the kitchen.  I sure do flourish in there.  Maybe that was the start of my waistline problem...

So today I made a huge batch of Brown Rice.  I made two cups (plus water, expanded, blahdy blahdy makes so many cups of rice, who knew?) so that I'll have some in the fridge for the next few days.  Then I rinsed a can of corn, diced half a green bell pepper and one teensy tomato, grated two carrots, and pinched apart a few tiny bunches of cilantro.  I heated up a can of black beans, submerged in some of the juice.  Plating goes like this: Brown Rice, Lime Juice, Salsa, Veggies, Black Beans, Lime Juice, and a little slosh of Balsamic Vinaigrette, but we all know it ends up the same place, so plate as you will.

Eat it.  It's good.

Vegan?

Getting pregnant, it can take so much time! So here I am, nine months after the start of this blog, and this conception plan, and no baby to show for it!  I do however have a big ol' bump to show for it, unfortunately lacking the baby within.  What's going on?!  Since I said sayonara to my measured out hormones, and my perfectly balanced life, I unwittingly said the same to my waistline!

Since the day I went of of the pill there were several immediate signs of...  What do you call it?  Womanhood?  Insanity?  I'm not sure, but there were immediate signs that my body, my moods, and my personality were changing.  I have of course, shared some of those changes with you.  I'm moody, grouchy, grumpy, however you want to name it.  I'm whiney and selfish.  I no longer choose to wield the tools of a strong woman, and I make my husband fix all of my problems (What? Isn't that what they're for?)  And all the problems the husband can't fix, are quickly cured with large doses of sugar and fat.  To say the least, I've become a lump on the inside.  AND THEN all of a sudden I looked in the mirror, and I have also become a lump on the outside!  (It's funny how the whole, beauty on the inside thing works out...)  So here I am, thirty pounds heavier than I was last year, as I prepared for my wedding day, and slipped flawlessly into that beautiful white dress.  MmHm.

So finally after a couple months of realizing this was happening and doing nothing about it, I stood on the scale and instead of skulking off to the fridge, I stood upright and looked myself in the mirror!  I am beautiful (I have no doubt about that).  I have a strong will (My husband will tell you all about it).  I am lactose intolerant (Why didn't I just listen to the pleading of my bowels?).  I have nothing standing in my way of once again being the hot mama Michael married.

Losing weight is easy, I've done it before.  Luckily I have a bit more confidence and self-esteem than the last time I weighed this much.  This time I also have a man who loves me, and will willingly watch me suffer through it all (no doubt while stuffing cookies in his mouth).  I am ready.  I can do this.  I am going to be back to my proper weight in no time, but I'm not stopping there!  I'm going to change my whole life.  I'm going to change my lifestyle.  I'm going to be that skinny girl in yoga class that smells like lavender and sage.  I'm going to be vegan.

VEGAN!  But it's not for the animals, not even for the baby ones.  I'm going to be Vegan so that I will learn to love vegetables.  I'm going to learn how to cook them, and eat them raw.  I'm going to live off of grains the way nature intended, and screw oil!  Goodbye fat!  Hello crunchy delicious bell peppers.  I'm so ready for this!

Heat.

Tucson is hot.  So hot.  I've been reading about Australia in Bill Bryson's Down Under and his pages are just packed with compliments to the Australians for thriving in such hot whether.  He makes them sound like saints for staying alive, and then he drops out some temperatures.  How's 115 degrees Fahrenheit?  Oh that's easy.  Tell me why doesn't Tucson get any credit?  There's a million people in this city, and I haven't run across any novels describing how incredible Tucsonans are for staying alive.

Maybe it's because we hide.

Yep, that must be it.  I don't get any credit for surviving, because I am currently hiding from the heat, paying someone to keep my 419 square foot apartment cold.  I could have used some serious kudos today, but you know what?  I'm happy right where I am.

Blog.

I feel like writing a blog today
even though I have nothing to say.
I could talk about fish, I could talk about whey,
besides, who reads this blog anyway?

Yesterday I got a new chair
It was out by the garbage, but looks rather fair
I always wanted one that was shaped like a square!
I hope my husband don't know I found it there.

Sunday I played with all the rats,
I fed them, and held them, and hit them with bats.
I didn't really, it just rhymes, fats,
slats, flats, mats, cats, acrobats.

This is the end of my useless blog
but it was fun, and I used my nog
I can't wait till it rains, so I can catch a frog
but for now I'll play with my dog.

Poverty.

Michael and I were married at 21.  Both of us were 21.  I had a head start on him, (which ended up being useless, because what does an Associates of Arts get anyone these days?) and he was fresh off of his mission, with almost zero work experience, trying to find a job that respected a resume stating: "Two years of Volunteer service."

We moved into our 419 square foot home, with what little we had.  Michael was still wearing clothes from high school (my favorite states, "I love Lakeside Football, but I came to see the band," depicting a pumped up football player, with steroid patches and all, biffing it on his face), while I made a poverty-pact with him, to stop buying new clothes.

Everything we owned was thoroughly loved (meaning worn) hand-me-downs.  We took a queen size mattress from his brother, who left on a mission.  We got a set of green corduroy couches from my parents, who had purchased the set for $200 at a second hand store several years before. We stole hampers from our parent's homes (My laundry hamper was always labeled "Serena's" so I'm pretty sure it was legit).  We furnished the corner of our home meant for dining with a small table left out beside a dumpster, whether left dead, or hoping for a new life, we could never be sure.  But it fit in the 7' by 5' spot nicely.

All of these things have been complete blessings in our lives.  However, since the time we first moved in together, the whole dining room idea has been abandoned, with the dining table being amputated to become a coffee table.  The mattress has been flipped several times to avoid wearing our body shapes into the foam indefinitely, and the couch has become a deep cavern, in which only the bravest of souls can find their way out of after a good movie, or serious nap.  At this point, I am convinced Access must have a qualifying detail about the amount of second-hand furniture in ones home, at least under a Chiropractors Only plan.

When Michael and I were planning on getting married, we often (meaning always) were blessed (meaning smothered) with good advice.  My favorite bit was, "You're going to be really poor the first little while, but that's going to be the best time of your life.  You really grow together when you've got nothin."  Cynical as I may sound, it is unreservedly true. The moments when we stress about having nothing, are the moments we realize we have everything.  Even though climbing out of the couch is a two person ordeal, and our teflon has been previously scratched, our marriage is stronger than ever, and our love never lacks.  It is great.

Michael.

I'd like to take a moment and credit my husband.  He is incredible.  This guy has hardly been home from his mission for a year, and he's working pretty much full-time, and going to school full-time, and he's a full-time husband!  This guy does so much in a day, sometimes I can't even believe he's real.  Today he's taking his finals, then heading off to work for a 7 hour shift, and we won't see each other until 10:45 at night.  A normal day follows something like this:

1. 7:30am Wake Up
2. 8:00am Leave for School
3. 8:40am - 2:30pm Classes
4. 3:00pm - 10:30pm Work
5. 10:45pm - 12:00am Spend time with Wife
6. 12:00am Recharge. Repeat.

This man is just incredible.  He deals with so much all day, gets good grades, works so hard he receives constant kudos from his boss, and then comes home to me.  He comes home excited to sit down and relax, play with the dog, and watch TV.  But then there's me.  Raging hormones and all, I hug him, kiss him, get him a drink, and by the time the night is through I've fallen apart about at least two meaningless things, used a roll of toilet paper blowing my nose, and downed half the chocolate in the house.  And what does he do?  After his long day, without a break or a rest, he holds me.  He tells me everything is going to be alright.  He tells me I'm beautiful.  He gets me another roll of toilet paper.  He comforts me, patiently, until I am calm.  Then he straightens the sheets, fluffs my pillow and tucks me in.  Sometimes he comes straight to bed, and other times he takes a moment to straighten up the house, finish the dishes in the sink, or make sure I have clothes ready for the next morning.    Either way, he always gives me a kiss before I fall asleep.  And before he leaves for school the next day, before I've even begun to stir, he always gives me a kiss on the cheek, and he's gone before I realize it's morning.  

Christ once asked, "What manner of men ought ye to be?"  

My husband answers that question every day.

Fluid.

Can I just start out by saying that for being made of 80% water, I am one big sissy.  And for that matter, so is my husband.  Think about it.  Every morning we wake up and we have to deal with so much fluid. Within the first 10 minutes of the day, what do you do?  You pee, you blow your nose (if you're not so lucky, you pick it), you brush your teeth and try not to drool everywhere, and you pick boogers out of your eyes (that is probably the least of our worries, thank goodness).  (If you'd like to add something to the list, comment, but I think my point stands.)  We wake up, possibly even in a puddle of drool (though I like to reserve it for a good nap) and we are bombarded with nasty, leaky, gooey, sticky fluids.  We're disgusting.  And on top of that, we're supposed to donate significant time of the day to making more fluids, specifically, eight glasses of it.


My mother used to always try to convince me to go into the nursing field.  "There's lots of jobs!" She'd say.  "It pays well!"  Well screw that.  I'd happily poke a hundred people with needles, but when it comes to the fluids, not a chance.  Same thing with dentistry.  "Be a dental assistant, or a hygienist, it makes great money and good hours!"  Drool.  That's all I have to say.

Nest Egg Spring Cookies

If you are lucky, you had a fabulous Easter holiday.  If you're smart you commemorated Christ with respect and reverence.  If you are healthy, you gorged yourself on goodies.  Oh, and if you're totally wise, you stocked up on mini Cadbury eggs before they all sold out this morning at half-price (I'm totally hitting that up later).
I bring up the need for Cadbury eggs, because this Easter, I came up with the most darling Nest Egg Cookie recipe.  I stocked up on mini eggs because it was SO GOOD I'm going to have to make more.

I have babies on the brain.

(By the way: revel in this moment when I get girly, and my satirical-writer-ego sits in wait.)

So these cookies were super duper easy to make, and totally cute and good.  (Unfortunately, I find that the cuter something is, the less good it is. Fondant. Point proven.)  These are super yummy.

Ingredients:
Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookie mix (Or plain Chocolate Chip mix)
Oil or Butter
Eggs
Sweetened coconut
Cadbury mini eggs
Mini muffin pan

Super Simple Execution:
1.  Follow regular instructions on cookie mix package to make cookie dough.
2.  Grease mini muffin pan (unless non-stick).
3.  Roll dough into balls just smaller than 1 tbsp.  They should fill the mini muffin pan cups halfway.
4.  Roll dough balls in coconut, making sure to coat evenly, and thoroughly.
5.  Place coconut-covered dough into mini muffin pan cups.  If desired, press a tiny bit of coconut onto top of dough, for extra texture.
6.  Press a finger print into the center of each cookie.
7.  Bake cookies at 375˚ for 5 minutes, or until coconut is golden.
8.  Remove from oven, and immediately press Cadbury mini eggs into cookie centers.  Press in rather deep, otherwise eggs will fall out of the nests when cooled.  This step must be done quickly.  I made my husband help.  Alternate use of one or two eggs for variety.
9.  Let cool.
10.  Share.  If you want to.

Clues.

So there's one thing that has grown to make me absolutely crazy about being a woman.  First of all: We have so many sensations!  This whole cycle business fills our daily life with so many pains; Stabbing pains, deep throbbing pains, soreness, aching pains, head aches, belly aches, not to mention all the unmentionables that go along with it all.  Secondly: If you're looking for clues about being pregnant, all these very prominent discomforts, that should be (and are) considered as signs of pregnancy, are completely and utterly useless.  If you flip through any informational guide about fertility you'll find some sort of chart that reads as follows:

Signs of Pregnancy:

• Abdominal pain (also caused by impending menstruation).
• Sore breasts (also caused by menstruation).
• Spotting (this may also be a cause of menstruation).
• etc.

So we have all these wonderful "green light" signs to know if we have yet conceived, but they might as well just be the green light to stock up on tampons.  Each month I have one or more of these symptoms more or less, and in my impatience, I stock up on everything.  You should see the 16-year-old cashier's face when he rings out maxi pads, panty liners, tampons and a couple pregnancy tests all at once.  You should probably not see my face when I'm trying to decide which to use first.  Anyways, I'm sure we all wish that there was just a big flashing light on our cervix that said, "You did it! You're pregnant!"  Unfortunately, the best option we have is to wait nine months and see if a baby pops out.  Good luck, ladies.

Blah.

Blah: adj. The often overwhelming lack of excitement, desire or care of anything; The common case of Blah can be easily identified by use of the phrases, "hm," "mmhm," "uh," and "huh" in place of full sentences, or even basic words in general.  In fact, during a strong case of Blah, language skills are activated solely by the amount of chocolate consumption, but usually only %6 of the time is full language use restored.  Communication may increase upon use of other variables such as 1) quality of chocolate, 2) quantity of chocolate, 3) home-made-ness of chocolaty goodness, and 4) the Cadbury egg.  Other symptoms of a case of Blah: Excessive sleeping and frowning; a lack of appetite (exception of chocolate), also a lack of energy, interest, and/or blinking.  TV viewing and pointless crying may also exceed regular expected amounts.  How to treat a case of blah: Buy chocolate.  If you are feeling these symptoms personally: a) get someone to buy you chocolate, or b) steal your husband's.  He didn't need it anyway.

Acne.

Oh dear, of all the greatest downfalls of womanhood, why acne?  As if puffy eyes and bloating aren't enough!  I can honestly say that the day the Pill left my life, I have had at least one, if not 7 or 8 very prominent pustules greeting my loved ones before I even get a chance.  It's a lovely time trying to cover them up with foundation, and treating them with who knows what concoction is on the market now, and when you think you've finally got the job taken care of, you see someone you know!  And as you stand and chat, thinking, 'Thank Heaven for Bear Minerals!" their eye begins to wander.  And you see them trying so hard not to stare at your chin.

We've all had that feeling.  For the lucky ones, it's usually a few days before your period, before you even get the accompanying bloat.  A pimple.  Just one.  Then it's sayonara for 28 days!  That was the life!

But now!  Oh sweet now.  Now, life without perfectly measured out hormones, being fed into my system every morning; now, as my body lives on its own, trying to hard to cope with daily life; now, as the world does everything but crumble down around me... a Pimple.  Two, three, four...

That's when life starts to get REALLY good.  One day, after spending all morning burying the colony in "Sunshine Bliss," you see your mother, and you greet her confidently with a smile, and you watch as her eyes try so hard not to stare at your chin, and your forehead, and your cheek, and the tip of your nose.  And she says something to the effect of, "Are you sure that this decision to bear a child is worth.... well... having pimples?"

At that moment, of course, you know exactly what the right answer is.  And we try our best to remember what the right answer is.  And every morning when we look in the mirror, we repeat to ourselves that "This is worth it!"  And it's true.  Every moment of embarrassment, every time our dignity depletes a little bit more, we look ourselves in the mirror, and think about that little one, that will be so totally worth it.  Worth the pain, worth the weight, worth the acne.  Worth every bit.

And then we get brave.  We stop worrying.  We stop wearing make up.  We stop staring, forlorn, into the bathroom mirror every morning.  We take it as it comes.  And that's when our peers stop looking at the one pimple!  That's when we realize that there's too many just to look at one!  We're covered!  Once again, we have eye contact!  Regular life commences, as vanity diminishes.  This is a whole new life.

And besides, Ladies, that marriage contract already has his signature on it.